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Well, here it is folks, the Armageddon. I hope you brought your shotguns and shovels, because we're really in for it this time. This Special Report will make your short existance on this Earth maybe a few minutes longer.



Zombies can only be destroyed by severing the head, or destroying the brain. Buffy the Vampire Slayer ain't doing shit by stabbing this guy in the chest.



There you go, Buffy! You've got it! Zombies also have a few distractions you can take advantage of.



Zombies keep their addiction to cigarettes after they become undead. Zombies smoking cigarettes are even slower, and take frequent breaks.



Zombies love cars. Especially low-riders. A shiny whip can distract a zombie just long enough for you to hit them with it. Do not offer zombies a ride.



Zombies sometimes get the urge to kiss other zombies, with tongues. They usually continue until one or the other tongue is ripped out, at which point they continue their hunt for brains.



Turkey, being the closest available food to brains, may sate a xombie for some time.



There are some popular misconceptions about what will distract a Zombie. Showing a zombie your nipple will only make the zombie angry.



Do not, under any circumstances, put your finger in a zombie's mouth.



The subjects shown here were bitten, and will live forever as the shuffling dead.



Zombies may be sexually attractive. This should not make you hesitate to kill them.



They will only seduce you long enough to eat your brains.



Carrie seems to be the only living person the zombies do not dare eat.



In fact, they seem to enjoy her when she's around.



Vampires also seem resistant to zombie attack.



And when Vampires start biting zombies, well we're really in for it, aren't we?



Stay alive everyone. The future of Tuesday Night Dinners depends on it.

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quba

August 2006

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