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The subjects were followed in their Lincoln Towncars, to an undisclosed residence in South East Utica. All subjects exited their vehicles carrying various weapons, bottles of illegal hooch, and also a covered dish. This report will cover each of the mobsters in turn, as well as detailing their activities.

HUH?  WHAT'S A MATTER?

"Skags" Malavasi
AKA Arite Skags
AKA Artie "The Tit"
AKA "Tits"
AKA "Bitch Tits"
A soldier best known for his proficiencies with a hammer. Previous arrests include: Racketeering, Treason, Trespassing, and Dressing as an Illegal Gender.

RIGHT HEAH!  I GOT IT RIGHT HEAH!

Maggie "Bones" Kaufmallozi
AKA Maggie Bonecruncher
AKA Crunchy Kauffmallozi
AKA Happy Ending
Underboss and daughter of the mysterious "Mrs. Big". Known for her deadly gaze, and even deadlier shot.

YOU'RE SO SKINNY!  YOU NEED TO EAT!

Heather "Babyface" Heather
AKA Heather "Boobs" Heather
AKA Shoes
A Capo who uses her feminine wiles to distract her targets. Previous TV shows watched include, The X-Files, and Project Runway.

WHY YOU MAKE AH DA FUN?

Douglas "Drunk Uncle" Puzo
AKA Drunk Dougy
AKA Some Old Guy Who Followed Me Home From A Bar
AKA Last Call
An associate of the family, only shows up when there is free liquor.

DII DII DII DII DIT DII DII DII DOOT DOOT DOODLE DOO DOO

Matt "The Plumber" Klausniari
AKA Matty Plumbs
AKA Matty Pipelayer
AKA The Boss
Don and Mafia Boss of the Utica crime family. Came to power by installing faulty toilets throughout the area. Best known for his interrogation and torture techniques, making famous use of his plumber snake.

MANGE MANGE MANGE!

"Sticks" Osmanelli
AKA Sean Corleone
AKA Chezzolli
AKA Crooked Sean
AKA Funny Man
A hardened captain who spends a lot of time racketeering in various hospitals disguised as a patient. Physical traits include a gun shot wound in his chest recieved after being shot purchasing an orange.

HEY MAMBO!

Amanda "Tank" Clarkazelli and her siamese twin, Alana "Blank" Clarkazelli
AKA Scicilian Delights
AKA Siamese Twins We Do
AKA Four Boobs One Hole

Joined at the hip in the womb, due to their mother's drinking habits, these twins are the scourge of the illegal prostitution rings in Utica.  Weilding four iron pimp slaps, and an angry temperment. 

MAMBO ITALIANO

The subjects were seen enjoying each other's company, but some disputes did break out.

GO GO GO

"Sticks" struck Malavasi, after a long argument about both of their sisters, knocking him to the ground where he drew his gun.



"Sticks" was then almost pistol whipped for his digression, but Malavasi pulled back at the last second.



Then he recieved "Two for flinching."



Malavasi was not killed that night, but it was warned that he came, "This close."



Malavasi asking "Huh?"
\

Drunk Doug made the "Made Men" an offer they couldn't understand, and is seen here being criminally tortured.



And later, killed and put in a trunk.


Through exhaustive research, the agents have identified that crime families are likely to dine on tomatoes, basil, and olive oil as their primary foods.. Other dishes are supplementary. This case follows suit as demonstrated below.

Exhibit A: Marinated tomatoes with basil leaves.
Marinated tomatoes with fresh basil.


Exhibit B: Cherry tomatoes with fresh mozzarella salad
Cherry tomatoes with fresh mozzerella salad


Exhibit C: Crustini with tomato basil bruschetta
Crustini with tomato basil bruschetta


Exhibit D: Crustini with tomato basil bruschetta and mozzarella
Crustini with tomato basil bruschetta and mozzerella


Exhibit E: Lazagna
Lasagna


Exhibit F: Greens and beans
Greens and beans



Exhibit F: Chicken Marsala
Chicken marsala

Date: 2006-05-17 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nocoins.livejournal.com
oh man, that is great... I especially like the part where you beat up Artie... I wish I was doing that RIGHT NOW.

Date: 2006-05-17 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quba.livejournal.com
Oh, man. I'll give him a lick for you! Like, seriously I'll lick him.

Date: 2006-05-17 03:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] petit-chou.livejournal.com
I think it is totally unfair that you moved the fun to Utica. BRING IT BACK TO PHILLY.

Date: 2006-05-17 03:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quba.livejournal.com
Sorry. The fun usually follows me and Artie.

Date: 2006-05-17 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] artiekgb.livejournal.com
Seriously, we make the magic happen. And the boobs.

Date: 2006-05-18 01:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] artiekgb.livejournal.com
But baby, it's the truth.

Date: 2006-05-18 02:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pandabug.livejournal.com
You can't take credit for ALL the boobs... You get one nipple... and one nipple only.

Date: 2006-05-17 03:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] toomskt.livejournal.com
Ah! Looks very fun. Glad you guys are having such a good time.

Date: 2006-05-17 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quba.livejournal.com
Me too!

Date: 2006-05-17 04:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] notjen.livejournal.com
i am officially sorry that i missed it.

Date: 2006-05-17 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ahmuno.livejournal.com
Artie's attempt at an intimidating face falls a little more into the downright funny. If that's what he'd look like pulling a gun on me, i think my first reaction would be to start laughing. Possibly even after he shot me hehe

Date: 2006-05-18 03:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quba.livejournal.com
He'd shoot you because you threw away his couch.

Date: 2006-05-18 04:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snorodent.livejournal.com
Bravo! So appropriate given Utica's Sin City past.... GREAT pics! OMG that food is making me so hungry right now I could eat my foot.

Date: 2006-05-18 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] quba.livejournal.com
Thanks, dude. We had lots of fun.
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